Life is a blessing and a joy to be lived and experienced to the fullest. But sometimes for an individual, it becomes a burden and he is forced to take the extreme step of suicide. Loss of life is a tragic event in any of its forms.
What are these forces that drive a person to such a pit that he sees killing himself as the only solution to his misery, suffering and pain? These are the forces of betrayal, shame,depression, failure, defeat, heartbreak, helplessness or loneliness.
I came across this novel by Sriram Aiyer – “The story of a suicide” recently. Once i started reading it, i could not keep it down till i had finished it. The story is interesting and narrated in a very unique style with each chapter focusing on different issues faced by the youngsters in our society. It is the story of Sam, Hari, Mani and Charu and how their lives are interconnected through deceit, betrayal, hurt, passion and heart break.
The book vividly captures the pressures these young people face as a result of stereotyping and non acceptance by society. Hari is sexually abused by his own uncle but fails to find any confidante within his family and friend circle which drives him towards frustration, loneliness and despair. The hurt and pain he experiences makes him completely hopeless. A person can face extreme difficulties if he has hope, even if that hope is just an illusion. Lack of support system of any kind is his undoing in life. Even his parents refuse to believe him when he approaches them for support and help. He is warned against hallucinating by his doting dad who later refuses to accept that his son is a gay.
Later Hari finds a friend and partner in Mani, but his trust is soon broken. This episode in particular is quite ironic in the story as Mani himself had reached a point in life because of despair where he decides to end his life. Luckily life gives him a second chance to live. But he himself becomes the cause of despair and reason for a friend’s complete disillusionment with life which forces him towards the doors of no return-suicide.
The book can be read here http://www.storyofasuicide.com
Many shades and stages of lust, passion and love as experienced by Sam and Charu are well portrayed. Ego of a person can drive him to even hurt and harm the person he once confessed to truly love. Sam resorts to snooping on Charu by implanting a software Jarvis in her devices to record her activities, but this act of his had far reaching effects which he had not expected in his wildest dreams.
The lines which i found had a deep meaning and were profound are mentioned below-
“When a person loves another to fill a void, then the relationship is doomed for failure. It is born out of fear, insecurity and low self-esteem. And this is common among men and women. But the way both of them handle that during and after break up may be different.”
Saar, this is my son Manivannan. I am a labourer in a brick kiln from Devarapalayam in Dharmapuri. I have never been to a school saar, but my son is very intelligent. His school head master told me that he has scored big marks. I am very happy. He is my only hope saar. My husband ran away with another woman, when Mani’s brother was just two months old. My Mani will become a very big man and a collector one day. I am confident. Saar, will you take care of my son?” Alex remembered this scene distinctly.
This book by the author is a strong and very timely initiative to bring into focus the lacunae in our society and its detrimental effects on sensitive individuals. After each chapter in the book, a guidance column on’ how to cope ‘ on different topics like heartbreak, loneliness, betrayal, sexual abuse, harassment and bullying are given in detail. One can find great suggestions and course of action to follow in times of despair. link is –http://www.storyofasuicide.com/how-do-i-all.html
To be strong and cope with the hardships in life, one should strive to develop inner strength. Instead of looking for happiness outside, get in touch with your inner self and achieve true contentment. Keep your expectations low as when these don’t get fulfilled, the hurt caused is immense. Be your own true friend and practice self love. Accept yourself completely and stop looking for approval from others. Learn to move on , let go and forget. You cannot move forward in life if you are buried under the burden of past mistakes and regrets. Don’t be ashamed of asking for help from family, friends or professional psychologists. You don’t have to suffer in silence while fighting the external or internal demons.
I would recommend this book for reading to everyone as it carries pearls of immense wisdom and learning. Let us strive to the best of our capabilities to bring this topic into focus and discuss solutions to stop suicides at all costs. Its high time society and we, as integral parts of this society learn to let go of the age old prejudices and stop judging and stereotyping people. Everyone deserves freedom of choice and right to live peacefully.
pic and video credit: storyofasuicide.com
writeintent1 
An emotionally charged, difficult subject to talk about. Your article is a bold and brave attempt at bringing out some of the common causes of suicide, though it focuses too much on the young love passion dysfunction, I think. Now some harsh truth about suicide.
Many people choose to commit suicide for personal and deep reasons no one can fathom and if they choose NOT to seek help then it’s our own sacred duty to let them complete their mission or encourage them i it. My mother CHOSE to commit suicide at 46 years of age and knowing what I know of her situation, and condition, I believe she was both, very brave and very courageous. She made the correct choice and I’ve admired her for that. Many people threaten to commit suicide also and most of that is just attention-getting. I’ve been known to counsel these people with, “Well, what are you waiting for? Why are you talking to me about it – I can’t make up your mind for you. Do, or do not, and if you choose to not do it, then stop talking about it and get on with life.” Having attempted suicide myself (at age 31) for reasons no one else could possibly understand, I would never defend the “let’s save the suicidal” position. Rather, let’s save the 40,000 daily victims of oppression and despair we so easily ignore because their situation is “too big to fix” – and we let them die of preventable causes when they want to live.
To me suicide is a sacred personal choice of life, for I know that life isn’t bound to a body, and what “dies” is just flesh and bones, not the individual. Of course earth life provides many opportunities to grow and learn (and to what end if we just die at the end of the course?) but sometimes you come to the realization that choosing to incarnate at this time was a wrong choice and you want to go back and choose again. It’s no different than taking the wrong street in a busy city, realizing you made a mistake, taking out the map and finding the place where you made a wrong turn, returning to that point and taking a different route. Outside the constraints of a totally dysfunctional and increasingly dystopian societal system we have unlimited sovereign choices and no one has the right to violate that personal path. The system hates suicides because it fears individuals who demonstrate such personal power over enslaving flesh. Try to imagine this: if a vast majority of the millions of victims of the Nazis in WWII knowing they were slated to be executed like cattle had chosen to commit suicide instead they would have broken the Nazi yoke because dystopian systems are fueled by hate and they feed on the fear they can generate. In all the concentrations camps it was the killing and disposal of dead bodies that was the problem for the “master race” – they kept people alive as long as possible so they could feed on their fear, hopelessness, despair, hate and anger. A dead body doesn’t produce those drugs. It becomes carrion, dangerously disease carrying. From food it becomes poison.
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Very relevant points raised in the post! True that hope is a necessity for survival.
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Dearest Pearl, this is a very emotional piece written from the depth of your heart. Death, dying and suicide are issues we are skittish about. We don’t want to talk about it, we don’t want to believe there will be a time when all the familiar world would be lost to us. We love to stay safe in the world we know well. However, we were born to die. We need to make our peace with the concept.
There are many people going through depression and all. We need to stand up to our responsibility, we need to show love to the next person in spite of race, sexual orientation, class or religion.
This is a great post. Well done!
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Thanks Deb, for reading and sharing your views on the topic. I completely agree with you that we need to stand up to our responsibility in this context, more so now than ever before when we are connected 24/7 but yet so apart and distant.
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You took on a topic that’s difficult to be broached by many, I’m guessing. So many complications fueled by feelings. BUT… I believe that you’re right about HOPE. I think that hope is the one common thread that runs through us all. I see hope as a tangible sight. It’s what we try to ‘grab a hold of’ to continue on or to stay alive. My experiences have shown me that what we’re trying to grab and hold onto is another being. A person that can touch our heart. From that connection with another person, self worth has a chance to grow. It’s not always necessary to understand why someone actually cares and loves you. Those questions can be addressed at a later time or not. But at least there is a later time for some.
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Thanks for adding to the topic with your valuable comment. Yes, it’s a difficult topic to be broached but important neverthelesss.
You are bang on when you say that we might be looking for that human connect at that crucial moment…that which is reassuring and helps us to hold on to the tiny bit of strength that might still be there within us, to build a little more on it through an encouraging word, understanding look or a helping hand. Yes, understanding of why and how can come later on but at that time, even a small timely upliftment is what matters most.
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The immense details of the views expressed has only one nucleus to revolve around – hope to live a happy and meaningful life. The real well-wishers of the demoralized person should arouse and strengthen this belief only in his heart. Thanks and compliments for this invaluable post which is much more than a book review.
Jitendra Mathur
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@jmathur, thanks for sharing your views and for the compliment. Your appreciation means a lot.
Yes, you are absolutely right that the well wishers need to provide that much needed moral boost at that critical time and this can most often change the course of moments yet to unfold. I feel sometimes just this can be enough to provide HOPE !
This is exactly what I wanted to express and get across to my readers, instead of writing just a book review with loads of appreciation for the book and author. I think the author of the book also had a deeper message to convey through this book and this is the central theme and may be the reason itself that he chose to write on this difficult topic so that the important message can reach and be understood by maximum people.
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Suicide is the white elephant in the room. It’s the topic everyone knows about and no one wants to discuss. It is emotionally charged and pitted with subjective experiences. Your approach to the topic attempts to remain objective and I applaud the maturity in which you address the topic.
This is exactly what I – as a consumer of book reviews want to hear from a reviewer.
I’ll be sure to add this to my reading list.
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Thanks for the appreciation! You are right in noting thatthis topic is most often avoided in discussions and forums but we need to change that and have a more pro active approach if we want to be of any help..n also just addressing it and recounting the painful anectodes will do us no good, the need is to show an alternative course of action which is practically possible and achievable. This is what I feel and have learned from experiences observed n felt in life.
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